Monday, September 25, 2017

Where We're At

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I spent a lot of time cleaning, editing, and rearranging the room once occupied by kittens. I hung a new pair of blinds in the windows that filter the fall light beautifully.  There's a soft new rug on the floor.  I made a little window seat and covered it with a comfy quilt and the girls have really enjoyed having this new vantage point that looks into the backyard and vegetable beds. The squirrels are working overtime right now so they've been offering lots of entertainment for Wylla and Charlene.

This room is a comfortable space and we've all been spending a lot of time inside of it.  It's very peaceful and serene.

We are all doing fine.

Of course, we were all very sad about all that happened, but we're moving away from that and now we're in the "well, what's next?" phase of processing.  And honestly, I don't know what's next.

When Panleuk enters your home, there is a mandatory one-year period of waiting before you can foster again.  Even after a thorough cleaning, the virus can live in porous surfaces for up to a year, so we're sidelined for now to prevent future litters from becoming infected.

But there's a very big part of me that's thinking we might be through with fostering. I'm not 100% sure, and not making up my mind about the future right this very moment, but this is where I am currently leaning.

And if that is the case, what will happen here on this blog?   I do want to continue something here, but I don't know what shape that will take yet.  I will figure that out. I know some might have ideas of what direction I should go, but I feel I need to find this on my own --  considering first how what I do impacts those closest to me first.


For now, I'll continue to share stories and photos here.  I am going to post less though -- without kittens, content isn't as plentiful.  I always struggle to fill five days when we're between litters or taking breaks. I would rather do fewer posts of quality than five posts of filler.


SO, that's where I'm at. Which really isn't any further along at all, but I'm not racing to make decisions right now. When a clear path appears, I'll start heading down it and a decent clip.


Thank you for your patience as I think things through.

And thank you again for all of your love and support -- the comments, sweet notes in the mail, emails, flowers, thoughtful gifts, and donations in memory of our precious Waddells.  We appreciate you so much and we love you.


I'll wrap things up today with a batch of photos of dear Wylla basking in the lovely fall light. She's been so happy spending time in the room. I hope you all can find as much peace in your day.

xoxo, Laurie




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69 comments:

  1. Laurie; Follow your heart; Do whatever is best for you and Charlene, Wylla, and Hubster. Hugs, Liz

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  2. I'm sad for you: you haven't just suffered the loss of those sweet kittens, but your future has changed against your will, too. I know Charlene and Wylla will be a comfort, especially Wylla as a reminder that putting your heart and soul into keeping a kitten alive can be a great success.

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  3. Perhaps you could encourage other foster parents to give you pictures? In addition to giving us lots of cute kittens, I know the blog has helped to get cats adopted. Plus, the whole Squillions for the Cat-A-Thon.

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  4. Can you hike and have adventures with Wyla? I loved those posts.

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  5. It's sad to hear of your current thoughts on frustrating, but you will do what's right for your family. You've given hundreds of kittens a great start in life and endless joy and education to your readers. I'd be smitten with a Butterbean and Wylla show. 😁

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  6. Follow your heart! I, and, I'm sure many others, will still be here to enjoy whatever it is you choose to share. Life changes, things end, new paths are taken. Thank you for all you do and have done and for all the love and care you have given to so many adorable kittens over the years! Enjoy the fall, and your girls, and your wonderful new peaceful space.

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  7. I totally understand your hesitation with continuing things as they were. You suffered a traumatic loss. It's hard to bounce back to what was "normal" beforehand. It takes the wind out of your sails. I went through the same thing when my husband died suddenly (and unexpectedly). I felt lost, confused, and not really knowing where to go from there. One piece of advice that was given to me right after he died was this, don't make any major decisions for at least a year. It has been invaluable advice. Your thoughts are scattered, and sometimes completely incoherent. Give yourself time, and plenty of it, to process all this. Go through all the stages of grief. Take comfort in Charlene, Wylla and Craig, and lean on them, each other, and your close friends and family. You need to heal, and it won't happen in just a few days or even months. And don't make any final decisions right now. We will all still be here for you when you are ready.

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    1. This ☝️. And if you choose to do so, there is _nothing_ wrong with changing one's direction in life. Yes, you have a fan base and cheering section here, but it is *your* life and you have to be true to that. Don't worry about the rest of us. We're happy with Wylla and Bean posts, and always look forward to former-foster updates... Just breathe--and give those girls scritches and that good man of yours a hug. 😻

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    2. Yup. Your blog has brought me immense joy throughout the years, and I know that is true for so many others, but now you need to do what is best for yourselves. And know that, whatever you decide, you have done your fair share and you have made a difference. Hugs.

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    3. Have (fairly recently; it's truly awful) been there/done that, tengel28-- and laurie, tengel28 speaks wisely. I too was advised not to make any big decisions for at least a year (maybe more), by doctor & priest & lawyer all 3. Coping with and working out of being so stunned is its own work (and enough work that those who benefit from our *works* will understand, if they think about it, which the great most of them do). And forks in the road are always a challenge. Running that drill here too, of course. (Doing some low-cost, low-permanent-impact "comfort decorating" here too, everything Elvish-looking and otherwise "Ringdorky" I can find or make! Am *glad* to read of your room project.)Will resist laying any Tolkien on you and just wish you the best whatever you do, with prayers that you be upheld and returned to more joy as soon as possible.--from Arowyn

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  8. The best to you and the girls. You know your own heart, I know it is a heart of gold. Whatever you choose for the future will be the right choice. Charlene and Wylla are gorgeous and endearingly adorable, I always enjoy your posts about them. Hugs from me and purrs from my Notorious 9.

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  9. Laurie, what you all just went through is horrific. People don't always realize that those who work in rescue and that foster have an increased risk of suicide and depression, and for good reason. When you make it your life's work to save, raise, socialize and then say goodbye to precious lives (that are also so damn cute) and deep and abiding grief is an ever-present possibility or even probability you must be stronger than anyone has a right to expect.

    Cat Skyfire's suggestion to offer a forum for fosters all over the country might be a solution. I know you'll pick the best path for you.

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  10. I'm so sorry for your heartache. You have been an incredible foster mom, and so many kittens have found their homes through you. Bean and Wylla are wonderful, and I'd be delighted to see them as the years go by, even without kittens in the picture. :) Be kind to yourself!

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  11. Just do what feels right for you, Laurie. We don't just visit for pictures of kittens - you are our friend and we care about you. x

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  12. Laurie,
    What you have done for the kittens and cats of Tacoma up to this point has been truly amazing. As an adopter of two of those kittens, Albert and Elvis(Davy), my life changed the moment I picked them up. I can't tell you how much your fostering has touched the lives of those of us lucky enough to be chosen by these Itty Bitty Kittys. How ever you decide to move on, you will have my gratitude always.
    - Cori

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  13. Laurie,
    what ever you choose to do. I pray it will lighten your heart. Thank you for all the love and care you have given to all the litters over the years.
    Hugs, purrs and head butts

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  14. I've been following IBKC for many years (7? Idk anymore) and the blog have always been a bright moment in my days. So I just want to say that whatever you decide to do, you have my complete support. Im always thinking about you, Craig, the girls and this or that litter, even when I can't find the time to stop by or comment. This space is amazing and it's all your doing. Thank you for everything and I'll keep sending you my love from Brazil!

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  15. You and Craig and Wylla and Bean are always in my heart and thoughts. I'm reflecting on all you've done to benefits kittens, cats, and humans. You've made a community, and we're always here for you.

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  16. Almost everyone hits that fork in the road. Sometimes you have to pull up a chair and think about it for a long time. And while I would miss the adorable kittens and happy adoptions, you have been the one doing the work of kittens and maintaining the blog. While I love seeing Wylla, obviously, and I would miss seeing her terribly, you have a life and fostering takes up a lot of it! You've been a powerful role model for people who see what can be done for a cause. You've been my hero, for sure. Whatever you decide is just another path. We all get those decisions, and maybe it is just your turn. You'll know if you are done. If you go, I'll miss you (bunches). But that's okay, too. Hugs to you.

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  17. Laurie, you have much time to think the entire situation over and develop the best plan of action for you and your entire family. No need to worry about what's next for a permanent solution yet; just let it simmer and you will have a solution when you need it.

    Thinking of all of you,
    Kay

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  18. I've been thinking of you and your cat and people family. I've loved and appreciated the kitten care and photos you've shared, and wish you peace with whatever direction you all head in text. Hugs!

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  19. Thanks for the great pictures of Wylla! No matter what you decide, you, Craig, Bean (my birthday twin), and Wylla have been a source of happiness for many. My mom and I fostered some kittens because of the inspiration from your blog. (She went on to adopt a couple) I would not have done it otherwise. Thanks for everything and may the future be filled with good things.

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  20. No matter what the future holds, what you've already done is an almost unimaginable legacy.

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  21. Please know that we understand you have suffered a huge loss. My Dad died last December. I was told by a very wise man to not make any major decisions for one year. I needed time to heal and experience the grief. Do you think it is any coincedence that it takes a year to heal your house?
    Makes you wonder doesn't it. Much love!!

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  22. The feeling of loss can be overwhelming. Know that there are many to support you.

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  23. We love all of you. Please don't consider us when deciding what is best for you.

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  24. I am so sorry for all of you, humans and cats. Losing such small ones is so heart-breaking. But I want you to know that I love your blog--you were so fun to read and had the cutest kittens. I loved all the pictures and you had such great names. I wish you all the best in your future.

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  25. You know what is best for you and your family. I stopped fostering after O lost a litter to panleuk. It is traumatic and tragic. But I agree with your thoughts to see how it goes.

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  26. Whatever you decide - I wish you all the best. I started following your blog about five or six years ago to get my kitten fix (we had three cats already, and while I was yearning for a new baby - hubby said NO!!!)
    I've loved seeing all those sweet faces go off to loving homes. And of course, I love hearing the adventures of Wylla and Bean (and Drewey before she left us). You've made a huge difference in so many lives - big and little. You should be truly proud of what you've accomplished and deserve to discover a new chapter in your life.
    All the best, from Ontario, Canada!

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  27. My heart is with you and Craig, Laurie, and I know you will make the right decision. But don't give yourself a deadline: give yourself time to go through all the stages of grief, time to breathe, time to simply relax and heal with Bean and Wylla. As some others of your readers have said, your decision on the direction to take the IBKC will come in time. Meanwhile, be gentle with yourself, love one another, and know that we are here for you. Hugs!

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  28. Take time for you and your family. Enjoy Wylla and Charlene. Blog when you like. Your voice will always be a bright spot in an increasingly tumultuous world.

    Your generosity and caring spirit give all of us hope for the future.

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  29. The one constant in life is change. Sometimes we are only meant to do a certain thing just for a season before fate pulls us in another direction (for better or worse).

    You are in the midst of grieving so don't feel like you have to make any big decisions, especially for our benefit. I'm sure I speak for more than a few of the visitors/friends of IBKC that we can never repay you for the many moments of joy, and for making this place a refuge from the messiness of the world. And that we support you 100% in whatever your next chapter in life will be.

    Hugs to you, Craig and the girls.

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  30. Wylla looks extremely content. I hope whatever you decide to do brings you the same peace. Thank you for fostering hundreds of kittens over the years and making us followers smile.

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  31. Laurie, I am so sorry that you had to go thru all this sadness, but can sure understand your questioning what to do next. I am one of your oldest fans and always check into your site a few times a week at least. Recently I was volunteering at a kitten nursery at a big humane society in my area (FL) and I was thinking....because you take such beautiful and unique photos, perhaps you could go to a kitten nursery, etc. in your area a couple times a week or so... and take photos and do little stories on the kittens and cats at the humane society. Although it would be great to see other people's foster kitten shots, there is something very unique to your ownphotos, that only you can do. Just a suggestion. Then it wouldn't be an every day thing, but would certainly give you 'new kittens' and new stories, be it in a nursery or on the foster or adoption floor of the local humane org.

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  32. You have contributed so much to so many. I'm sure that when you started this, you had no idea how much money you would raise, and no idea how many friends you would make. Follow your heart, and give yourself credit for the astonishing amount you have contributed to cats, kittens, and blog readers.

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  33. It's so hard to not know what's next - but whatever you venture into, you can hold your head high knowing you made such a positive difference in the lives of many four legged friends. Love and positive thoughts and ALL THE BEST wishes to our local hero Laurie!!

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  34. Watching WEE Wylla grow up to be sweet and nurturing like Bean has been wonderful, for selfish reasons I want to see posts of them forever ! I Love Wylla in the Pumpkin Patches and day hikes etc. Maybe you could do a weekly visit to other Foster Parents homes to share their kitties in photo's as your the BEST picture taker !!! What ever you decide let patience and love guild you.

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  35. Laurie, follow your heart. Take all the time you need to grieve this heartbreaking loss. The years of following you provided more joy than you can imagine and for that I am soo grateful. You are a blessing and whatever you choose to do going forward, I wish you only the very very best. ((Hugs)) to you, Craig and the girls.

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  36. Bless you Laurie, whatever you decide to do will be top notch! In the meantime, enjoy the girls and your family this fall.

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  37. You've done more for kittens than anyone else I've known. Nothing lasts forever. If you think it's time to step aside, I know everyone here will support you. You and your blog was with me when I adopted three cats and lost two of them from disease. You have to do what's best for you and your family. There's time to think about it. You will always be a hero to us.

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  38. Wylla is beautiful. Do what helps you feel better, and give yourself all the time you need. The room looks lovely.

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  39. I have followed this blog for many years and it has often been a sunbeam in a grey world. Honestly I am surprised you have continued it for so long. No job- no matter how valuable and fulfilling- was meant to last for eternity. Parents send their children off to college and work. Professionals retire. We make room for someone else to carry the torch and we allow ourselves to build a new bonfire on distant shores. You have saved many, many cats. Perhaps someday you will save more. But I'll trust that you and your family are a bright spot in the universe somewhere even if there is no blog to document it. -Love from Houston TX.

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  40. I for one would love to see some blog posts on what you are doing in your crafting from time to time.

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    1. I believe she has another blog dedicated to that?

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  41. Thanks for the lovely Wylla pics, and for sharing regarding your deliberations. Will look forward to reading the occasional post and seeing your lovely pics, whatever the subject might be.

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  42. I have come to this site for 9 years to get a kitten fix. To see the joys of fostering and to cry at the heartbreaks. To have such a big piece of your life removed because of situations beyond your control is hard. But fostering and placing and blogging for ten years is also hard. Please take time to sort thru your choices. Please update us with Beanie and Wylla adventures. Please consider offering this space to a guest blogger. Please ask the alumni to send more updates. But please, above all else, do what is right for your family. We can wait. You have been an amazing person who has done amazing work.

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  43. I'm wondering how old a kitten has to be to be vaccinated against this disease. Would you be interested in fostering older kittens? Of course, you need to do what feels right for you.

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    1. Good idea!if the kittens were vaccinated then it would be ok for them to be in the kitten room right?

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  44. Laurie, you've been an inspiration. You're one of the best at what you do. Full stop. Do what's best for you and know that no matter what, you have built an amazing, supportive community around you that will lift you up, no matter what decision you make, whenever you choose to make it. Thank you for everything.

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  45. Laurie, you have done more for the kittens in your community and you have helped save countless lives. I salute you for the hard, but rewarding, work you have done. You have a whole year to contemplate and decide what you need to do for yourself.

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  46. Everyone should be able to be as relaxed as Wylla is next to that pillow. She's a study in sleepytime contentment.

    Whatever you decide to do, I know it will be the best thing for everyone, human and feline. You and Craig (and Bean and Wylla) have done so much for so many kittens, and by extension the humans who gave those kittens furever homes. This blog has given so much to everyone who's followed it, and I know it'll continue to be a bright spot in our days to come, whatever you do with it. As long as it involves cats, we'll enjoy it. ;)

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  47. Dear Laurie, thank you so much for sharing your life and your kittens with us! You are an inspiration! Our thoughts and prayers are with you, and no matter what you decide to do, your community will still be here :-)

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  48. Laurie, trust your heart. You, Craig and the girls have put loads of love and goodness out into the world. I am grateful to you for all the joy you have brought me over the years. I have loved every post, every photo, every laugh, and every delicious and delectable kitten story. I have cried at the heartbreaks, and marveled at the supportive community you have created. Whatever you decide to do, thank you for these gifts.

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  49. This is Nature's time for rest and reflection. I hope it will bring you peace and, when you're ready to see it, a clear view of the future you want. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the love and sweetness your work has brought to my life. You deserve all the best for doing the same for so many people and so, so many beautiful kittens

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  50. Thank you for the update! You have brought so much joy in to the hearts of so many cats, kittens, and people that it's hard to image you not being foster parents any more. I know whatever you decide will be the right thing for you (although I selfishly hope you will be fostering in the future). Thank you again for everything you have done!

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  51. I've followed you for so many years, and your beautiful photos have uplifted me and given great joy. You have frequently told us the reality of fostering, but whilst providing the most delightful images. And the amount of support you have raised and improvements for the shelter is amazing. Know that you made a difference. Bigger than you can imagine. Remember the ppl around the world saw your story and the role model you are. You never know what ideas emerge when everything else is stripped away. Go well and remember you are love and loved.

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  52. Laurie you and your family and friends have done so much good in this hard world and you have also suffered aching hearts. Sometimes the losses become too much. The mandatory quarantine maybe a message that it's time to change direction for the best. Whatever you decide, you must know how much you've touched so many cats and people. You've given me a place to come for comfort, amusement, inspiration, sometimes tears, mostly hope and joy, and a place to give to a cause that deeply matters to me. I can't imagine the ton of work you've put into this blog, the humane society, the walks, the fund-raisers, and all the other activities you've been involved in. Sorry this is going on and on, but my heart is overflowing with gratitude. I've given in memory of my own cats, in thanks for the survival of my cats from serious illnesses, in memory of foster kittens of yours who left too soon (most memorably to me Filbert with whom I fell in love), and it felt so good to have a trusted place to give. Thank you for letting me help in my limited way and thank you for all that you've done. May blessings rain on you and Charlene and Wylla wherever the road takes you. With very much love--Nora Mills

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  53. My family and I have followed your blog for years, and my daughter has grown up with the pre-bedtime ritual of seeing what the Itty Bitty Kitties were up to. And I just wanted to say: Whatever decision you make, we're glad you've helped so many kitties find their permanent homes, and grateful you've shared so many heartwarming kitty moments with us.

    A selfish part of me wants to encourage you to foster again -- or at least to foster a few last kitties, so that your project ends on a high note rather than on sadness and loss. But you must do what is right in your heart, and I am, again, simply grateful you've carved out a space of pure love and joy in this difficult world and allowed us all to be part of it. Thank you so very much.

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  54. Not to be pushy but what about something similar to what you did after sweet Filbert died and do like a basement kitten room?
    We on this blog will support you no matter what but I know we would all be over joyed if you found a way to continue fostering kittens.
    There's always a silver lining to every dark cloud.
    Prayrs and love from Texas.
    Also it was you who inspired me to foster kittens, you have done so much and deserve a break but I really do hope you can find a way.

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  55. Thank you so much for the joy I have had looking at sweet kittens. But I do understand about wanting a break. You have done a fantastic job and inspired many people.

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  56. Hi Laurie do whatever you think is best for you and your family. It would be awesome if you could do an basement kitten room like anonymous suggested though.
    We will support you no matter what.
    Also for cat foster Stories I suggest the blog
    Adventures in fostering.

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  57. If you do choose to retire from the emotionally and physically draining task of fostering kittens, please do so with the satisfaction of knowing that you have touch squillions of lives, both human and feline.

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  58. dear Laurie,

    so sorry you are going through this and i know we all understand the healing process you are going through. you made my day everyday with every post and appreciate that you may not have it in you to continue, i know i would not.

    i have one request, would you tell Joseph and Henry Alexanders adoption story? i did not see it posted and i am curious how it turned out.

    thank you for all of the wonderful kitty stories.

    denise

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  59. Dear IBKC creator and spreader of love,joy, and tenderness. Whatever you decide to do about fostering, or this blog, you have already created a humungous (spell?) amount of love in the world. You have given me so many, many moments of grace, both through your blog and my grey kitty Pearl Mae Petrie. I imagine whatever you decide, love will continue to spread, just because you exist. (Though to be perfectly honest, I would love for your blog to continue.) <3

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  60. You've given so much over so many years, and inspired so many others to do the same, that any regular visitor to your site has nothing but admiration and applause for you and your husband and your generous kitties. Thank you for everything.

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  61. You've given so much over so many years, and inspired so many others to do the same, that any regular visitor to your site has nothing but admiration and applause for you and your husband and your generous kitties. Thank you for everything.

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  62. I did wonder if this might be the direction you'd go, honestly.

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